


Angel of the Century

by asideofourown



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Bodyswap, Challenge Response, Crowley is Good at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon, Vandalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asideofourown/pseuds/asideofourown
Summary: “Oh, hey,” Crowley said.  “Uh.  So you know the butt-ugly wallpaper in your cubicle, the glowy cherub-patterned one?”“Standard issue,” Aziraphale murmured, his eyes far away.  “Whichever angel has been voted employee of the century gets their face on each cherub.  What about it?”“Weeeeell, apparentlyGabrielwas this century’s big winner, which seems rigged, honestly, he probably voted for himself ten million times— anyway, I might have... drawn a bit?  On the wallpaper?” Crowley said with a wince.Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up.  “Oh, did you, now?”[Crowley vandalizes Heaven's wallpaper]
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 326
Collections: Name That Author Round Two





	Angel of the Century

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for _Guess the Author_ round two in the GO Events server with the prompt "I hated that wallpaper, anyway." Submissions were supposed to be 500 words or under, so this 1,400 word mess is the 'director's cut.' Again, thanks so much to [Cherry](https://ao3.org/users/curtaincall) for organizing!!!
> 
> Enjoy!

Crowley closed his eyes and cracked his neck, letting the warmth of the Hellfire lick comfortably over the corporation he had borrowed from Aziraphale.When he opened his eyes he found all three archangels staring at him in stupefied horror.

Crowley grinned and then blew a gout of Hellfire at them, just enough to make them jump back a bit.He enjoyed the warmth of the fire as the angels discussed what to do, and then politely stepped out when Gabriel nervously beckoned him.“So,” Crowley said with a satisfied smile, adjusting Aziraphale’s bowtie as though it had been disturbed by his display.Gabriel crossed his arms, obviously trying to seem unconcerned.

“I do believe I would prefer to be left alone,” Crowley said with the sort of firm, unquestionable politeness Aziraphale had mastered millennia ago.“That goes for the both of us, Crowley and I.If you don’t bother us, or the rest of the world, we shan’t bother you.”

The three archangels exchanged looks, and then Gabriel said, clearly unnerved, “I’m not sure—”

Crowley casually stuck one hand in the still-raging Hellfire behind him, letting sparks flicker around his fingers.Sandalphon audibly gulped, Uriel shifted nervously, and Gabriel blanched.“Left alone.Deal,” he croaked.

Crowley went for Aziraphale’s best kindly, uncompromising smile.“Delightful.”

Uriel eyed Crowley like he was going to start spitting Hellfire again, and then said stiffly, “I’ll take you to clear out your cubicle.”

Crowley tried not to look too surprised.“My… cubicle?” he said slowly.He hadn’t even realized Aziraphale _had_ a desk in Heaven, much less an entire _cubicle_.

“Since you’ll… no longer be coming up here much,” Uriel said, and then turned on her heel and walked away without another word.Crowley didn’t have much choice but to follow— he hadn’t been paying attention on the way in, a bit distracted by being kidnapped and tied up, and could barely tell up from down in the endless glowing brightness of Heaven anyway— so he folded his hands in front of himself in as _Aziraphale_ a manner as he could manage and followed after Uriel with perfect posture, not a hint of snake or swagger in his step.

Uriel led him to a tiny little office in a sea of cubicles, pausing by the door.“Take everything with you,” she said with a frown, and then turned her face away.“And then you can _leave_.”

Crowley didn’t let the irritated expression he wanted to show on his face— Aziraphale had always tried to be gracious to Heaven’s face, even if he was a bit of a (wonderful) bastard behind their backs— and stepped into the office.There was already a little cardboard carton sitting on a blank, empty desk, and at first glance there didn’t seem to be much else in the grim, tiny cubicle.

Crowley opened the desk drawer, dropped the three pens and four folders of paper he found into the box, and then glanced around.There was a calendar pinned to the wall, open to February 1962 (presumably the last year Aziraphale had actually been in this office), but that wasn’t what had caught Crowley’s attention.The entire back wall of the cubicle was patterned in a truly terrible wallpaper… it was something of a miracle that he hadn’t noticed it immediately.

The wallpaper was bright white, so white it almost hurt his eyes to look at, practically glowing in comparison to the floor and other walls, and it was patterned with little cherub designs.Only all of the cherubs had the faces of real, _actual_ angels.Crowley turned to find himself practically nose-to-nose with a little cherubic wallpaper version of Gabriel, and spite flared in his chest as he remembered that same awful, smug face tell the angel he had thought was Aziraphale to _shut up and die already_.

Before he really knew what he was doing, Crowley summoned himself a Sharpie— Hellfire Red™, of course, it would stand out (and, huh, his powers still worked in Heaven… that was an interesting thing to know)— and then, with the tiniest grin on his face, drew angry eyebrows and a terrible mustache and a devilish little goatee and horns on the cherubic little wallpaper Gabriel.It looked _great._

Crowley glanced over his shoulder to make sure Uriel wasn’t watching, and then defaced as many other cherub-Gabriels as he could.When he was done (or, rather, when he figured he had pushed his luck enough), he tucked the Sharpie into the breast pocket of Aziraphale’s coat and grabbed the box with Aziraphale’s office supplies before stepping up to the door.

Uriel was waiting with her arms crossed over her chest, and Crowley said in a cheerful Aziraphale-esque voice, “Well, let’s get on, shall we?”

Uriel jumped, started, and Crowley took some sort of perverse pleasure in the little flash of fear in her eyes. Without another word, she led him out of Heaven.Crowley grinned as she left him at the escalator— good luck to whatever angel had to clean up Aziraphale’s cubicle!Hellfire Red™ was practically impossible to get off any wall.

By the time he got back to Earth, though, Crowley’s thoughts had shifted from his petty vandalism to what lay ahead of him.He stepped out of Heaven and Hell’s office building and vanished the box of Aziraphale’s things to the bookshop without another thought before he set off down the pavement, practically running, desperately hoping that when he got to the park he’d see his own corporation sitting safely on a bench.

* * *

After three courses of their celebratory meal at the Ritz, Crowley figured he should probably fill Aziraphale in on what had happened at Heaven’s attempted execution. Aziraphale had already told him about Hell’s trial, after all, so it was only fair. 

“Angel,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale paused in sipping from his champagne glass. “Yes, dear?” 

Crowley took a deep, fortifying breath and then outlined in vague terms what had happened in Heaven. “— Then once I got out of the Hellfire, they told me-as-you to… clear out your cubicle, since you wouldn’t be coming back,” he finished, and bit his lip. “The box of stuff is at your shop, by the way.” 

A flicker of something passed across Aziraphale’s face. Crowley wasn’t quite sure if it was regret or relief. Maybe some mix of the two. Then Aziraphale said, “Well… that’s that, then, I suppose.” He gave Crowley a smile, and Crowley was a bit impressed at how not-shaky it was. “And we _are_ on our own side, my dear, we agreed upon that.” 

Crowley smiled back, a tiny, soft thing. “We are.” 

Aziraphale took a small sip of his champagne, and even though he was still smiling Crowley could tell he was hurt, just a bit, by Heaven’s slight. He hadn’t Fallen, no, but there was no mistaking what they had meant. Aziraphale was, for all intents and purposes, sacked. 

Crowley scrambled for something to say to cheer him up, and then in a flash remembered the _other_ thing he had done while he had been in Heaven. “Oh, hey,” Crowley said. “Uh. So you know the butt-ugly wallpaper in your cubicle, the glowy cherub-patterned one?” 

“Standard issue,” Aziraphale murmured, his eyes far away. “Whichever angel has been voted employee of the century gets their face on each cherub. What about it?” 

“Weeeeell, apparently _Gabriel_ was this century’s big winner, which seems rigged, honestly, he probably voted for himself ten million times— anyway, I might have... drawn a bit? On the wallpaper?” Crowley said with a wince. 

Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up. “Oh, _did_ you, now?” 

“Yyyyeah,” Crowley said. “Fucking… _ugliest_ thing I’ve _ever_ seen, angel. Dunno how you’d ever get any work done with hundreds of cherubic little _Gabriels_ staring down at you.” 

The corner of Aziraphale’s mouth twitched as though he were trying to suppress a laugh, and he said, “It’s not as though I worked up there a great deal anyway.” 

Crowley wiggled his eyebrows, letting his sunglasses slide down his nose so Aziraphale could see his eyes. “Well, now they all have goatees, mustaches and devil horns. So.” 

Aziraphale laughed aloud at that. “Goodness! Oh, they’re going to _hate_ that.” 

Crowley was glad that he sounded delighted instead of upset. “Probably… probably shouldn’t have done it,” he said. 

Aziraphale sighed and shook his head, still smiling. "I hated that wallpaper, anyway. It’s likely an improvement.” He giggled again and added, “Ooh, I _do_ hope you made it difficult to get off.” 

Crowley grinned back, satisfied. “Of course. What do you take me for, an _amateur_?” He was glad to see that Aziraphale relaxed slightly, amused and more or less distracted from the shittiness of his former superiors.

Aziraphale smiled, reaching across the table to squeeze Crowley’s hand, and Crowley knew that they were going to be OK.

**Author's Note:**

> [So I made some cursed wallpaper :)))](https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1A6QVJWwAInSd-ZH9wh-lS4O7rFRIkVxLLJKYzmkjN-A/edit?usp=sharing)  
> Definitely check out some of the other fics in the collection if you get a chance, there were a lot of really funny ones this round :D Thanks for reading, I really hope you enjoyed! I'm [here](https://asideofourown.tumblr.com/) if that's something you're into


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